Who are you being?

by Karen Frank

I was recently approached by someone in a networking group I was visiting who wanted advice for handling a somewhat delicate situation. He had overheard something that disturbed him which was said by another member of this group.

In this person's zeal and passion for solving the problem she solved, she was using language that could potentially offend the very people who need her help the most!

What's worse is, she was overheard by others, who might have potentially been clients, but now will not because they felt what was said was offensive.

"Nobody wants to do business with Lazy People, that's why they need me." is what was said.

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I am not going to get into a long discussion about how other people can't make anyone feel a certain way, but I will say this. On of the gold nuggets I've picked up along the way is that your reaction comes from inside. I'll prove it. If you are a thin person who is completely satisfied with your weight and someone walked up to you and said, "wow, you're fat" you would think they were wrong (or jealous) and blow off the comment. That same comment said to someone who believes they are fat (whether or not they actually are) would most likely create a response of hurt and shame in the person who is trying to lose weight. Same comment, different results.

That being said (and setting that totally aside for a moment) Language is so important.

Had our original "anti lazy person's" goal been to weed out lazy people from her client base, that would have been one thing. But instead it was her perception of the demographic of her target market - The very people she wanted to reach.

Lest you think this was a "bad person," she was passionate about her craft. She felt being lazy was a life and death situation because her experience of it was that this was true. In fact her mother was a "lazy person" and as a result had a horribly messy house which resulted in her isolation as an older person and eventual death because no one ever visited, she injured herself and no one was there to help.

So her motivation was very noble. The language, not so much.

Nor was this person an unsaavy marketer. At every networking event during the introductions she did a good job of describing what she did.

Most likely, the problem came from not really understanding what her target market is thinking and only seeing the problem she solved for them from her point of view.

Who she was being was not aligned with who would attract her perfect client. And that explained perfectly why she was struggling to find business.

Remember, that marketing and networking is more than just the problem you solve, who your niche may be and the words that come out of your mouth. To be of most service to your target market is to develop the kind of "beside manner" that they would appreciate most. Remember platinum beats gold every time The platinum rule is treat your clients how THEY would like to be treated - NOT as you would want to be treated.

Learn who your ideal clients are. Learn to describe them as just a single person. You might even want to give your niche a proper name like Betty, or Michael.

Once you understand how they think, feel and talk and what motivates them - and also what de-motivates them, you'll be well on your way to finding more of your ideal client.

And the advice I gave the observer? Straight out of our local BNI culture. Ask that person - "If you were doing something that might make it more difficult to refer you or do business with you, would you want me to tell you?" - And then let them decide.

I'll be curious to find out what happened.

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Networking Expert, Karen Frank publishes Networking News, a semi-monthly

newsletter devoted to helping you avoid marketing disasters and networking

faux pas. Get the home study course "The Seven Deadly Sins of Networking

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